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The
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Scott
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Subject:
7
Reasons Why Gays May Want to
Rethink Gay Marriage
Gay marriage is one of the most polarizing
topics, yet who with any decent level of
compassion and understanding would reject
a law allowing gays to have the same legal
rights as straight people? It comes down to
tolerance.
Alas, marriage is a terrible idea for gays,
particularly when gay people try to imitate
the traditional marriage model. Why copy
something that has a 50% + failure rate,
and that’s not including those who stay
unhappily married?
Here are 7 reasons gay couples should
think twice about attempting to imitate the
traditional marriage model.
1) Money: The concept of marriage was
originally mostly about property
rights, not
love. Now, with over half of all marriages
ending in divorce, and many of those
couples fighting it out in court over money,
have things really changed very much? You
don’t know how your partner will react in 10
or 20 years if they don’t feel their needs are
being met. Why complicate things by
combining all your finances?
2) Monogamy: Before Stephen became a
matchmaker, he was quite idealistic about
romantic relationships. By the time he sold
the company in 1997, he had a much more
thorough understanding of human nature
and love relationships after interviewing
people about their love lives, and
observing
1000s of relationships. One of the things he
learned is that a sizable percentage (larger
than you think) of people who assume they
are the long-term, strictly monogamous type
really are not. Some don’t know
themselves
well enough, some conform to keep the peace
or get what they want, and some pretend they
want strict monogamy for the rest of their lives
for other reasons.
For a short period of time they can easily
remain faithful, but eventually they will be
miserable. Traditional marriage doesn’t take
this into consideration. In addition, gay men
and men in general tend to be comfortable
separating sex and love, allowing them
physical contact without a deep emotional
connection, and
they have an innate drive
for multiple partners. Therefore, strict
long-term monogamy may not be the best
path for all gay couples. Considering the
high rate of cheating among heterosexual
couples, apparently it’s not the best idea for
them either! Perhaps all couples would
instead be better off focusing on complete
honesty and safe-sex 100% of the time.
3) Religion: If you were hoping we would
champion the religious
themes often used
against gay
marriage, sorry, we’re not
going to do that. Since religion originally
had nothing to do with marriage, that
argument is about as phony as an
outspoken, anti-gay yet closeted preacher.
Our findings tell us that anti-gay
sentiment
will incur negative karma and result in future
lives where the culprit will experience a
similar circumstance, but as the victim, even
for those who claim to be anti-gay in the
name of religion.
4) One size does not fit all: The traditional
marriage model encourages couples to
conform to certain rules and customs which
may not be compatible with one or both
partners, gay or straight. You don’t need a
certificate from the government to prove
your love for each other or to anyone else.
5) Kids: Marriage used to be perceived
as necessary before having children. Is it
really? In reality, parents trying to fit into the
traditional marriage mold too often results
in disharmony, which is toxic for kids. If you
want children, opt for what we call a
“child
contract” instead of a marriage contract.
This will, unlike marriage, put the child first,
rather than the demands and expectations
of a traditional, and potentially draining
marriage. It also financially protects the
main caretaker of the child before having
the child.
6) The marriage agenda: After witnessing
so many agenda-minded women that
straight male friends (including Scott) have
dated being overly focused, in our opinion,
on getting a ring on their finger, gays should
be grateful (Stephen is!) they don’t have to
deal with that (though Stephen has known
straight women who had him in their
viewfinder- yikes!).
We can certainly understand why some
women (and men) seek financial security
through marriage, as it’s easier to be a
good parent when you don’t need to worry
about money. But it takes the fun out of
dating and it’s annoying when every other
person is too focused on their goal of
getting married instead of simply getting to
know someone and allowing the connection
to be what it is naturally.
Dating
for gay men
is challenging enough and marriage would
add yet another reason to stay single.
7) Marriage won’t lock in happiness or
guarantee you won’t grow old alone: On the
surface, marriage seems
like a great idea,
and of course it can be wonderful when two
people are truly compatible. But when you
delve into the reasons why so many people
become unhappy in their relationships, and
you see these same reasons over and over
with a majority of couples as we have
with
our work, the harmful effects of traditional
marriage become obvious. Getting married
will never lock in or guarantee security,
stability, or happiness. Because of this, it
seems reasonable that people should wait
until after age 40 to marry so at least they
will know themselves better when they make
this life-long commitment.
It sure would be nice to see gay
couples
have the same legal rights as straight
couples, and more people, no matter what
their orientation, question whether getting
married is really their best option.
Prediction: In 50 years people will look
back
and see the obsession with traditional
marriage and the blocking of gay marriage
as archaic and discriminatory
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